why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm having to shit out rocks
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
