oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
