And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
