I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
