had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
