Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
