and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
