If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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