Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
