the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
