Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
