Barsexuality is the new black.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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