That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
