i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
