So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
