I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
