I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
