the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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