Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
