ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
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