dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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