oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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