fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
