So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
