he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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