its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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