No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
