I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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