Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
