We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
