I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
