Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
