Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
