can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
