I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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