everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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