i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
