If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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