You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
