puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
