I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
