please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
