It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
