how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
