All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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