he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I won't apologize to a one balled man
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
