when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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