I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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