dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
