So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You need a sexual gate keeper
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
