I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
